Reframes for Keeping On When Your Author Life Feels Hard
Quick mindset shifts can go a long way for playing the long games of book publishing and book marketing
I probably relish working in the book business for the same reason you flit around or immerse yourself in it. We’re readers. We’re writers. We’re thinkers. We’re creators. We love books. Some people I know wonder if it’s also because I like banging my head against brick-tough walls.
My first career choice was foreign relations, international peackeeping. Ooh, problems that don’t go away, because history, geography, politics, personalities. This one’s too hard.
Then it was philosophy. Ooh, vexing questions that don’t go away. This one’s too unsatisfying.
Then I landed on publishing. Ooh, just stupidly hard for authors and publishers and booksellers. This one’s just right!?#%#*!
But guess what? I’m still here and I’ve been making a living running small publishing and publishing-related business for 30 years come this September. It’s possible. And I’m devoting my current efforts to letting authors know that an income-generating author business of whatever size they decide to pursue is very possible and supporting their efforts in that direction.
One of the big challenges is keeping at it. Keeping at it til you make it, then keeping it at so you can keep it. Or grow it or pivot or any of the other things that become possible when you let an entrepreneurial attitude seep in and help direct you to what’s next.
One of the big ways we keep at it is tending to our inner game. Personal growth. Emotional management. Upping our mindset game as we can, as we go, from where we’re at.
Some types of mindset support are involved and require ongoing commitment. Think meditation.
But some are in-the-moment mindset shifts, re-frames that can go a long way when you’re having a rough day, when another setback derails you, when you’re doubting yourself as you’re working on your latest book marketing campaign or author program. Here are a few to try out.
Language frames
Simple language frames can be suprisingly powerful.
Not yet. Adding not yet to sentences changes negative situations from a fixed reality to a temporary situation. I’m not comfortable with podcast interviews yet. I haven’t made back my self-publishing investment yet. Yet implies that the desired outcome is still ahead.
Yes, and. Yes, and is a classic comedy imrov technique about accepting what’s on the table and adding one’s own twist. Yes, the turnout at this booksigning is abysmal and I’m making the best of it by connecting with the people who did show up and the store’s staff. Yes, my newsletter just got a bunch of unsubscribes and that means they weren’t my ideal customers and that those who are staying do enjoy hearing from me.
Conceptual frames
It’s handy to have some conceptual re-frames that can help you put things into a more reasonable and affirmative perspective fast.
Two Things Are True. Similar to Yes, and, I learned this one from parenting pro, Dr. Becky. Remind yourself that things aren’t only one thing, especially the negative thing you may be currently ruminating over. My latest blog post got almost no reviews and it contains many good points that I will use on repeat to promote my books. I ignored book promotion all week and I’m getting back on track instead of continuing down this one.
On a Scale of 1 to 10. This is another tool that’s useful for breaking out of dramatic, hyper-critical, and catastrophic thinking. Review your thought, emotion, or situation and assess where it falls on a scale of 1 to 10. From that more realistic standpoint (it’s usually not a 1, 2, 9, or 10), decide how you can move 1 or 2 points on the scale in a more positive direction. For example:
That Facebook ad promotion sucked! What a waste of money. OK, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad was it? Maybe a 4? It sold a few books but it barely covered the costs. What do I have to do to make my next Facebook ad spend more of a 5, 6, or 7? What should I change? Who can help me?
Behavior frames
Acting as if things are the way you want them to be is a quick behavior re-frame backed by science and promoted by author and psychologist Richard Wiseman in The As If Principle: The Radical New Approach to Changing Your Life. Wiseman demonstrates in many examples how changing our behavior helps change our emotions and outcomes for the better. Don’t wait until things are just right to improve your mood. Smile and discover the uplift to your inner state. Nod and find yourself being more persuasive. Act as if you’re a charming book club guest and you may find your vibe and your word choices accommodating that choice. Act as if your sales call will lead to something promising, and you will find a good result or the silver lining that leads to the next opportunity.
Positivity frames
Professor, CEO, and trainer Shirzad Chamine shares research in his book, Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours, about just how fine the line is between thriving and spiraling downwards. Repeated studies show that there’s a positivity tipping point at about 75% (three positive emotions/experiences for every negative one) with flourishing individuals maintaining a spot at about 77% and higher, and languishing individuals at just 69% and lower. What that tells me is that staying positive and finding positive re-frames matters; we have to face our negative experiences and then move on, lest they pull us below this critical threshold.
Could you simply have developed a habit of blocking happiness? In a recent candid episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel tells of her three-year struggle to confront why she was going through life perpetually dissatisfied. She now employes three practices that support a new experience of deep contentment: being present, dropping the orientation to fight/think other people and the world is out to get you, and focusing on what’s good and not what’s wrong. She also shared a wonderful metaphor that helps her: She pictures her old self as having had a thick, bank-vault door standing in the way of herself and happiness. She has replaced that with an image of swinging Old West saloon doors, which make it easy for the happiness and love to flow in and out.
Emotion frames
When I need a quick hit of emotion reframing, I check in with what Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) has said on TwitterX recently. Nearly every day she has useful threads teaching the content of her books (How to Do the Work, How to Meet Yourself, How to Be the Love You Seek) and the sage, healing advice of her life experience and client practice that can be consumed in under a minute. Many things that feel hard for us as authors and entrepreneurs can be directly linked to inner turmoil and gunk. LePera’s feed is ongoing bite-sized education in managing our emotions, getting unstuck from past woes, and improving our relationships with ourselves and others.
Challenge frames
Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson presents a powerful challenge re-frame in Who You Were Meant to Be when she introduces the case of the challenge junkie. She notes how we have all developed so many survival skills and coping mechanisms in response to the challenges of our lives. Then, because we have mastered these skills and because every human enjoys competence, we seek out, hone in on, other occasions to use this stockpile of defensive abilities only to find ourselves entangled in one undesirable situation after another. She proposes:
If you are a challenge junkie, the question to ask yourself is: is it time to find some challenges that are more fun? (p.171)
When I first read this, it immediately resonated. There came I time when I was growing my first publishing business that I got really good at putting out fires, solving problems. The more I tackled these successfully, the more I sought out, the more that appeared on my radar and got in my challenge queue. Wow, did I feel capable and mighty. Until the point a more seasoned fellow business owner pointed out that you don’t grow a business by reacting and noticing the next difficult thing to defuse. You grow a business by proactively creating the things you want. That was the challenge re-frame that changed everything for me. I gradually learned how to pivot from reacting and being good at noticing and solving problems to a focus on creating. Whatever the situation at hand — good, bad, or neutral — it was just the landscape in which I worked on creating what I wanted for my business (and my life).
I extend this challenge frame to you. If you are only finding yourself butting heads with unappealing author challenges, stop the flow of problems. Instead, going forward, practice accepting what’s in front of you and using it as the base materials for creating the things you do want.
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"Yes, and" is as powerful as Jocko Willink's "Good" response. No book sales? "Good, this gives me an opportunity to try something new." Or "Yes, and I am going to do 5 things today to reach a new audience. "